Wishing her a joyful and fulfilling life ahead, I bid Rajni good-bye. At her age, many working professionals start to think of retirement, some think it is time for them to raise their grandchildren and make life comfortable for their children while others think it is time for them to turn towards religion and spirituality. This is largely true in case of Indian women because of the conditioning the society has provided. While these post-retirement plans may work beautifully for some, it may not appeal to everyone. Rajni had a different thought process. She was thinking about how to make her life more productive and balanced.

Rajni is a tall, slim and soft-spoken lady, soon to turn 60. She lost her husband a couple of years back. Her children are settled in their respective professions and families in different cities. Rajni has been a homemaker since the time she got married. She has lived a comfortable life, dedicated to taking care of her family, raising children to become responsible adults, maintaining good relations with extended family and friends. She had a busy social life because of the nature of her husband’s business. In the last decade she not only faced untimely death of her husband but also both her parents and mother-in-law. She had been taking care of her father and mother-in-law during their last days. Suddenly, she finds herself left alone. She feels she is not needed by anyone, anymore. Rajni’s purpose in life so far has been that of a caregiver and now there is nobody to take care of. She needed my help to find a purpose in life.

Fortunately, Rajni is blessed with financial security and good health. She takes good care of her physical health and diet. She meets up with friends a couple of times a week for coffee and is attending daily classes in religion and spirituality. Her loving children check on her as frequently as they can. They have offered her to stay with them but Rajni prefers to live in the comforts of her own home, city and a few friends whom she has known for years. She visits her children and they visit her for a couple of times a year and have good time. At present, she finds herself having a lot of free time and loneliness is getting difficult to handle. She prefers to meet people instead of watching TV or indulging in social media.

We spoke for a while and after understanding her preferences, together we listed down ideas in detail, that she could explore. The list included some creative hobbies Rajni could cultivate. She has not travelled much but is open to exploring that option. Her face lit up with the idea of travelling with her friends from “Singles” group. Volunteering for some NGOs (various causes) where she could offer her time is what appealed to her too since that would add meaning to her time. Lastly, we also discussed some business ideas where she could use her talents.

Rajni has never “worked” outside her house and hence she felt that she may not be able to do anything. All she needed was a confidence boost. She has experienced life and dealt with difficult situations and challenges. I could help her acknowledge and appreciate what she has already achieved in life. Our discussion helped her accept how simple and easy it is to get started with new beginnings by being fearless because there is nothing to lose. Rajni received some ideas to “find” her new purpose in life and meaningful use of her time.

It was nice to see the transformation in Rajni from being “clueless” to “hopeful”. Both of us knew that this was just a baby step. She will have to try out a few options before understanding what works for her. I felt proud of Rajni for taking that first step of realizing that she needed to seek help, otherwise her thoughts would drown her in self-pity and loneliness. There may be so many men and women like Rajni, who might be at an age where they do not know how to spend time when living alone, how to convert their loneliness into joyful and useful aloneness?

Most people plan their retirement in terms of financial security. We save and invest money to secure our future. We prepare a Will for those who would inherit our property and investments. That is essential. Some of us also have a bucket list of places to travel or activities we would like to do post-retirement. This is with an assumption that we are forever going to be with our spouse, our life partner. We rarely discuss or even think about a situation of being the lone survivor. We avoid thinking about such situations. Death is certain for every one of us and yet there is a slight hesitation in having discussions about death. In normal circumstances, it is likely that there is going to be one survivor. If there are open discussions about how the survivor (could be anyone) could utilize his/her alone time meaningfully or how the person can have activities that would help regular interaction with other people, would it not be easier for the survivor to pick up the ropes of life, as they restart their life alone? Eventually, most people would figure it out on their own too without prior discussions. However, some people are not able to face the process easily and hence undergo a lot of stress or confusion or at times depression too. I feel, these mental health concerns can be avoided if we make death a non-taboo topic for introspection and discussion. Decades pass in planning a perfect life, while life itself can be uncertain, and therefore isn’t it normal to plan for our dear one’s life after our death, which is certain?

Disclaimer:  *To protect the identity of the subject, personal details, including the name has been changed.