“We jumped to the next step thinking that things would get better”. These were her words when Revati was explaining why she and her ex-boyfriend decided to start living together in spite of facing a number of fights on a regular basis. Lack of trust and respect was quite obvious in the relationship but they thought that jumping to the next step would take care of the issues in the relationship. Sadly, things worsened and they broke up the relationship.
Issues rarely get resolved by not addressing them. Yes, one may choose to accept the situation or shift the focus away from the issue. That may stop the arguments, or may stop the mental and emotional disturbance caused, but would that resolve the basic issue?
I often meet clients who are struggling in relationships. They are many a times advised by their well-meaning family and friends to take the next step in their lives and assured that things will be okay in their relationship. Some of these solutions could be:
- Disputes in early marriage relationship can be resolved by starting a family, with a child’s arrival.
- Marriage will get back to normalcy if abuse (Mental or Physical) is not questioned. Talking about it would trigger the abusive spouse and hence it is better to avoid discussions.
- Disputes among a couple in relationship will be resolved once married.
The solutions are quick fix for sure and may work at that point of time to maintain peace and quiet, but do they resolve the main issues? Having a child may shift the focus of the couple to the child. In most cases, the lady would get busy with child care and hence she may stop complaining for a couple of years. In all likelihood the issues may get compounded and would resurface after some time. Similarly, in case of abuse, not talking about it may allow the abusive spouse to be unaccountable and in a way be in the comfort zone. This may help that person to escape from working on self but what about the spouse who has been a victim of abuse? How is that person supposed to deal with the disrespect or breach of trust experienced? If these issues are not addressed and dealt with, respect and trust will not be reinstated in the marriage.
These are some extreme examples picked up from my practice experience. However, there may be many unresolved issues (big or small) that we are facing in our daily lives. Let us try to address them rather than push them under the carpet. When we address the issues, sometimes we will be able to work on them and resolve them. Even if we are not able to solve the issue completely or partially, we will at least not have a regret later in life of not having tried when we had the opportunity.
As we enter the new year, I wish for all my readers to start the new year 2025, after acknowledging their unresolved issues of 2024 and with an intention to work on those issues for a brighter future. Let us resolve the UNRESOLVED before we set NEW RESOLUTIONS!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Disclaimer: *To protect the identity of the subject, personal details, including the name has been changed.
This is so true! We keep moving forward year after year without closing on the issues we have been battling. Thank you for putting it so well.
Thought provoking but absolutely true. Resolving unresolved issues first before setting new resolutions in new year is a key to success and peace of mind in life.
Happy New Year Year!
I completely agree! We’ve all experienced similar struggles in our lives, and it’s easy to overlook or ignore the issues that continue to trigger us.
However, it’s essential to prioritize our mental health and well-being. This article shares a powerful message that resonates deeply, and I’m grateful to Prerna Mam for sharing it with us. It’s a timely reminder to focus on our own mental health and take proactive steps to address the challenges we face.
Very good article .must read and most of us do experience such challenges and this is a good example of what one can face either way ,ie if acted on trying to solve or ignore and the consequences might be helpful or adverse .
However would be worth trying to look at the problem positively for a better future.
Truth expressed wonderfully well, Prerna! And you have posted it at a time when many of us loudly proclaim “Happy New Year”, hoping that it would silence the rumblings of unresolved problems that grow from year to year.
Very true..
This article makes an important point: ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away. Quick fixes might help for a while, but the real issues will come back later. As we get ready for 2025, I love the idea of looking at our past challenges and working to solve them. It’s a great reminder to face problems honestly for a better future. Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you for shedding light on this important issue. It highlights the importance of speaking up and seeking help. Very nicely addressed !
A little less reciprocal expectation, a ton more intentional listening, a tad more love and respect in the tone of our conversations and a realisation that my view of the world is not the absolute truth, our communication master keys that could open doors to all hearts.
Beautifully articulated.
Beautifully put together Prerna!!
Concise and to the point !!
Hoping more and more people make conscious decisions and have boundaries , respect one another especially in close relationships.